After a week off, I’m back to posting my daily food journal. I’ve been a little discouraged lately with the way slow down in losing weight. Although I have struggled a little, noticing a few cravings coming back into play – I haven’t strayed from the plan so I’m proud of that. I try to encourage myself by trying on the clothes that fit now and also doing research on the up and down a pound or two of loosing weight eating low carb. Reading the health benefits of this type of diet motivates me as well. I want to keep moving forward, concentrating on eating healthy, whole foods. I do know this, losing weight is HARD. Once I get to my goal, I am going to never forget how hard it is or how long it took. I will be vigilant in making sure I do not gain weight again.
Most of my weight gain came over 5 years. Approximately 5 pounds per year. That does not sound like a lot when you break it up by year – just 5 pounds in one year. But times 5 and that’s a lot of weight gain for someone my height and bone size.
The weight gain did not come from laziness or even not exercising, it came from not paying attention to what and the amount of food I was eating and stress related to work. Being stressed makes me feel “entitled” to a cupcake or a treat of some sort. That became such a habit that is hard to break. Even now, when I do have a slight craving, it is because I want to reward myself for having to go through whatever was stressing me. I realize I have been doing this since college days. In art school, I first experienced extreme stress from trying to finish projects on deadline. Staying up most the night, there was always a student who would make the snack run – and the only thing available in the art building all night was vending machines. Full of candy bars, cupcakes and chips. So every few hours during the night, another cup of coffee with a candy bar or a bag of chips with a coke. Those treats were what got me through many a stressful project night.
And that pattern has followed me through my career which is basically doing projects often under extreme deadlines. Being stressed = treats to get through it.
And I have to admit now I do get a little down sometimes because I miss my treats. Not so much the cupcake itself anymore but that feeling of comfort that came with it. For some reason, after a treat, I always felt better about the project. I knew I’d get it done and that everything would be okay. This all doesn’t make much sense to me now but I do see that it is definitely a large part of my eating mentality. Food was never so much to keep me healthy but always a treat that I was either denying myself or letting myself have. Which kept and still keeps me completely preoccupied with what I am eating, what I’ve eaten or what I’m about to eat. Whew, it’s exhausting!
I remain thankful to this blog and P for beginning this journey with me. I’m really not sure I could have done it without her because it is hard some days for sure : )
Now on to the meals:
Breakfast: Scramble of two Applegate sausage links, egg and baby leaves, cherry tomatoes and Trader Joe’s Champagne Vinaigrette. (I’ve run out of my delicious homemade buttermilk ranch dressing so I need to make some more this weekend.)
For lunch, my husband and I ate out with my stepson, his girlfriend and her mom. She became a U.S. citizen today and we had gone to the ceremony. It was very inspiring and something I have never seen before and think every U.S. citizen should watch. Sometimes with all the bad news and political warring, it’s nice to be in a room where every single person is proud to be an American. They wanted to have pizza for lunch so I went along. I had a Caesar salad (no croutons) and a piece of cheesesteak pizza which my stepson wanted to order because it was one he had before and said it was the best. I ate about four bites of the pizza with crust and then scraped the rest of the meat and cheese off. There was a lot of meat so it tasted pretty good – just meat and cheese.
Snacks today – handful of peanuts and this evening while watching TV – 1/2 cup coffee with 1/2 cup whole milk, cocoa stirred in (straight chocolate, no sugar added)
Exercise today – 3 mile walk